introvert
by dj vu
Summary: just some of faith's thoughts
1. Default Chapter

Faith sat in the front seat of Willow's car. She had been out here for a while, a little afraid of facing Buffy. Especially after what Faith had done to her the last time they met.

Willow had gone down into the house just a few hours before and Dawn came to give her some noodles about 5 minutes ago. Other than that, she had no outside encounters; which gave Faith some time to reflect.

_Beauty queen of only eighteen. She had some trouble with herself. He was always there to help her. She always belonged to someone else...  
  
_

'I can't believe I broke out of jail and came all this way for ramen noodles...'_  
  
_

_I drove for miles and miles. And wound up at your door. I've had you so many times but somehow. I want more..._

Faith took a sip of the warm soup.

'Hmm... though, they are good noodles.' The Styrofoam cup gave a tiny _squeak_ under her second sip.

Faith picked at her noodles one by one; at least it gave her something to do.

_I don't mind spending everyday. Out on your corner in the pouring rain..._

Faith looked up and down the small part of Sunnydale she could see.

It was nothing like she remembered. The houses were empty, the lawns weren't their usual short and trim, the streets were totally bare. The only sounds to be heard were from the Summers' house and a cricket in a nearby bush.

_Look for the girl with the broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay awhile...__  
  
_FLASHBACK: Faith's childhood. 

In a small, dimly lit room, we see a woman with long ruffled hair, sprawled on a faded blue armchair.

A little girl walks up to her. "Mom?" Apparently, this is her daughter. " Mommy, wake up. I'm gonna be late for school." The child's name is Faith.

Faith shakes her mother's arm. "Mom?"

There is a _clunk_ as something hit the floor. The girl looks down and sees a couple of bottles of beer, contents gone.

She sighs and puts on a look of disappointment.

_And she will be loved. She will be loved..._

The little girl searches around the small trailer living room. She finds what she wants as she nears the coat rack. Taking down a big, worn raincoat, she whispers a very quiet "Good night, Mommy." and lays the coat on her mother, before she tip toed to the door, to walk herself to school

_Tap on my window knock on my door. I want to make you feel beautiful. I know I tend to get so insecure. It doesn't matter anymore..._

A stray rotweiler followed Faith. Her name was Puff. Or at least, Faith called her Puff. After school, Faith and Puff would run around the playground, chasing some pidgeons. Puff was her buddy.

The rotweiler helped to keep the bullies away. Oh those awful people that picked on the small child. She was too weak to fend for herself. Too scared to tell. And too smart to care... on a good day.

_It's not always rainbows and butterflies. It's compromise that moves us along..._

END FLASHBACK

Most people in her situation would try to repress those kind of memories of a shitty childhood. But as Faith sees it, no one is her, and no one is ever in the same situation. Angel knew that.

"Angel," that word echoed in her head. And a picture of him recurred in her mind. He was brooding, but when is he not?

"Boy, do I miss Angel." even though she saw him just a few hours before.

_My heart is full and my door's always open. You can come anytime you want. _

Angel was a vampire with a newly restored soul. Reinstalled for the third time. He helped take care of Faith. He _cared_ for Faith, but not in the way she would have hoped. Don't get me wrong, he did love her. But not in the way he loves Buffy.

200 summat years and Buffy is the only woman he has ever loved.

_I don't mind spending everyday. Out on your corner in the pouring rain...__  
  
_Buffy. The other slayer. Faith looked over to the Summers' residence. She found Giles staring back through the window curtains.Giles was Buffy's watcher... And for some reason watchers always seemed like more than that to those they watched. Almost like family.

FLASHBACK: Her watcher revealed.

There was a light tapping on the trailer door. Faith is now 15 years old. Still that quaint girl she always was.

"Hello," she answered to the lady at the door. It was a tall, thin woman, wearing a business outfit and carrying a suitcase.

"Hello." the stranger answered. She eyed the inside of the trailer, and then stepped in.

"Um..." Faith said as politely as she could. "We're not interested in any cosmetics."

"Faith, is it?"

_...Look for the girl with the broken smile..._

Faith nodded. It was odd the stranger didn't make eyecontact.

"You're a very special girl, Faith." she said in her British accent.

"Whoa," Faith took a step back. "I'm not interested in that either." and she held up her hands, meaning 'no more'.

The stranger showed a confused look. "I think you misunderstood."

"No, I think I know what you mean. I must say I am _a_ _little_ curious but-"

The woman didn't mind taking a small walk around the inside of trailer.

_...Ask her if she wants to stay a while..._

"Have you ever heard of Sunnydale?" the stranger said, not bothering to turn around.

She didn't wait for a reply."There, is the mouth of Hell... And a very special girl, much like yourself."

_...And she will be loved..._

Faith couldn't help but look confused.

Obviously getting a little impatient, the woman turned around and said, slowly, "In every generation, there is the chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of evil. She is the slayer. YOU are that slayer, Faith." They made eyecontact, the woman's eyes,serious and stern; Faith's wider than ever.

_...She will be loved..._

END FLASHBACK

Barbara was the name of that stranger. She was Faith's watcher. They grew close over the time they knew each other...

FLASHBACK: Kakistos{sp?}

_...I know where you hide..._

"Hit harder, Faith!" said Barbara as she trained Faith one afternoon.

"I'm doing what I can!" Faith yelled back.

"You're a slayer-"

"I know...." Faith's knuckles grew sore after hitting the punching bag for so long.

_...Alone in your car..._

"Then tap into that power." Barbara was almost like that concerned older brother.... only in a woman's body. "Come on! You wanted to eat that filthy ham of a burger, now work it off!"

"What's wrong with bugers?" now the pain was moving to her elbows.

"Clogged arteries, for starters."

Faith chuckled as her arms fell to her sides and she leaned her head against the bag. The hard leather and packed cotton didn't make much of a pillow.

_...Know all of the things that make you who you are..._

"Listen, as your watcher," Barbara's tone changed, to that loving soft one, "I say 'You will never get anywhere if you keep playing nice.'" Barbara's face came close to Faith's as a sign that she did mean it.

This made the slayer smile, though it hurt a little to.

"But as your friend I say, that 'sucked'."

They both shared a giggle.

"Play it rough or you'll finish last." the slayer let out an exasperated sigh.

"Sure, sure,"said Faith.

"At least until I get back." Barbara called back as she headed for the trailer door, to get some fresh air.

"Even better!" Faith grinned and proceeded to the bench press.

END FLASHBACK.

That was the day Kakistos took Barbara.

_...I know that goodbye means nothing at all..._

That was the day Faith went on the bus to Sunnydale, to find that special girl, much like back and begs me to catch her every time she falls..._  
  
_

And she has kept her promise to Barbara ever since.

Little has changed since then.

_...Tap on my window knock on my door...__  
  
_

Faith is still that stray puppy looking for love.

_...I want to make you feel beautiful...__  
  
_

Faith is back in Sunnydale.

_...I don't mind spending everyday...__  
  
_

Buffy still has the watcher,

_...Out on your corner in the pouring rain...__  
  
_

The friends and the scoobies.

_...Look for the girl with the broken smile...__  
  
_

Buffy still has the attention.

_...Ask her if she wants to stay a while...__  
  
_

The love

_...And she will be loved...__  
  
_

The will to live

_...And she will be loved..._

All that is missing is-

_...And she will be loved..._

"Willow."

_...and she will be loved...  
  
_Faith's train of thought was thrown off by a red-headed woman standing by the driver's door.

_[In the background]__  
__...Please don't try so hard to say goodbye,__Please don't try so hard to say goodbye...__  
_

"_Ahem. _I mean, Red." Faith straightened up and got out of her daydream. Willow's face seemed to glow in the starry night background.

_...Yeah...__  
  
_

Willow smiled that beautiful smile, held up a fork, and said in that loving, soft tone, "Room for one more?"

_[Softly]__  
__...I don't mind spending everyday__  
__Out on your corner in the pouring rain..._


	2. empty cups and our thoughts

Willow sat in the car with Faith. There was this odd silence. Not the kind of quiet you get on first dates. This was more of a roaring silence yelling in their deaf ears.

Faith tried to put on her bad-assy attitude back on. You know she pouted her lips, narrowed her eyes, slouched a little, tried to pretend that every second of quiet didn't take an eternity.

Willow, on the other hand, tried rather hard to stay still. Like Faith was the black bear and Willow was the fat camper who smelled like hot dogs. Willow wondered if Faith knew that she could hear her making faces. The thought made Willow snort a little.

"Noodles?" asked Faith, extending the arm that held the styrofoam cup.

Willow reached out and grabbed a couple of the almost cold noodles. "Thanks."

It took a few seconds for Willow to finish chewing and swallowing, which, of course, was a little loud and made Faith snort,too. "So..." Willow didn't exactly know what to say, so she said the first thing that came to mind. "How was jail?"

Faith could see from the corner of her eyes, Willow dropping her head and blushing a bright red. She smiled a little. "It was lonely."

Willow looked up sheepishly."It's kinda lonely out here."

"Are you hot?"

"What do you mean-" but Faith had already opened her door and stepped out. Through the windshield, Willow could see the slayer walking to the front of the car. Faith looked back with a big toothy smile as she slid on the hood and made herself comfy.

Willow opened her door and followed Faith to the front of the car. She sat sideways, feet hanging off the side, still looking forward. To what, she didn't quite know, but Faith was looking that way.

"I used to look up at the stars all the time in jail."

Willow blushed again. She placed the ramen cup on the hood.

"Relax, Red," Faith leaned back on the windshield and rested her head in her hands. "I'm nothing new."

Willow tried to look a bit more relaxed by slouching. It just made her back ache a little.

"Why you so tense?" she questioned.

Willow tried to assume the same posistion as Faith. "Tense?"

"Yeah, stiff like Buffy." Neither got the pun, but oh well.

Both looked up at the starry night sky. Willow brought down her hands from her head and rested them on her stomach.

"Makes you feel insignificant, don't it?"

"Yeah," answered Willow a little mesmerized by the bright lights.

"Almost like anything down here isn't important. Yup. That's how I got through jail every day."

Willow didn't blush this time.

"That and of course I knew Angel'd be there when, and if, I got out."

Willow looked over at Faith and gave her a I-didn't-know-you-gave-a-ferret-about-what-other-people-think look. It almost looked smug. Willow resumed staring at the stars. "Yeah, he has that affect on people."

"Man, do I miss him."

Both girls laughed.

Willow picked at the noodles she put on the hood, just starting to get cold.

"Red?"

"Mmm...?"

"Save me the soup."

Willow said with a mouth full of noodles, "Wesh Baith."

They sat in silence again. Not the earshattering kind like before. This one was more comforting; the kind you have when you're sedate.

"I used to think they were magic." She pointed to the sky. "The stars."

"Is that why you became all witchy?" questioned Faith.

"Partly... but I don't do magic anymore. At least not the big kind. Last time I did I went evil and almost killed.... everything."

"Who hasn't at one point or another?" Faith replied.

Willow didn't quite know what she meant, but for some reason she found it comforting. She was finished with the noodles, so she handed the cup of soup over to Faith.

Faith gulped it down loudly and let out a burp. "Just keepin' it country, Red." She smiled at Willow.

A whistle interupted their bonding time. It came from the girl on Buffy's porch.

"Will!" the girl yelled. "Buffy wants both your butts in. Pronto!"

"'Kay, Kennedy! Give us a minute!" Willow yelled back. Willow sat up and looked pleadingly at Faith. She was almost sorry Buffy and them had to save the world... again.

"Tell B she can't have my ass!" Faith retorted as she hopped off the car and made her way towards the house, tossing the styrofoam cup onto Buffy's lawn.

_Almost _sorry.


End file.
